A soccer referee died and ended up in the line for the Pearly Gates with all the other hopefuls.
As he got nearer to the top of the line he noticed the huge, forbidding-looking fence in which the gates were set. The fence was so high that he couldn't see the top of it.
When the ex-referee got to the front of the line, there was St. Peter waiting to interview him. Even though he was still wearing his referee's uniform with his yellow shirt showing the green Specsavers logo and was obviously in need of a nice hot shower, the referee felt quite confident that he was going to get into Heaven, and was eagerly looking forward to any questions St.Peter might put to him.
St.Peter wasn't so sure though. Normally he sent soccer referees to the other place as a matter of course. But he thought he'd give this one a chance.
'Ok,' he said, folding his arms. 'You've got thirty seconds to convince me you're Heaven material.'
So the referee took a deep breath and started his elevator pitch (which wasn't very good so we won't go into details here).
By the time the thirty seconds were up St.Peter's shoulders were shaking and he was trying hard not to burst out laughing.
'That's by far the best one yet,' he said. 'But the answer's no.'
'Is there anyone we can call to get a second opinion?' asked the referee. He wasn't about to give up that easily.
'Nope,' said St.Peter.
'Oh,' said the referee, still with a big smile on his face.
'By the way,' he asked, craning his neck and pointing upwards. 'Why's the fence so high?'
St. Peter coughed. 'That's to stop the Quidditch players getting in', he said.
'Quidditch?' frowned the referee. 'Never heard of it.'
'Never mind,' said St.Peter. 'You're not coming in either, end of story.'
But the referee was still determined.
'Let's be fair about this. How about we toss a coin?' he suggested brightly.
St. Peter tutted and rolled his eyes. Anything to get rid of this guy.
'Alright,' he agreed, already knowing what the outcome would be. (They know a few tricks in Heaven too).
He held out a coin and the referee flicked it up.
'Heads!' he called.
It came down Tails.
'Ha!' thought St. Peter to himself. 'That's all, folks!' He looked over at the referee, expecting to see a disappointed face.
But the referee was still smiling away. 'Never mind,' he said happily. 'I'll come back when we change ends at half-time.'
