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La France - c'est moi!

Charles de Gaulle, considered by many the most influential leader in modern French history, was born in 1890 into an old aristocratic family with roots in Burgundy and Normandy. He grew up in the city of Lille in northern France, in a devoutly Roman Catholic family. He served as an officer in the First World War, became a Brigadier General during World War Two and was one of the leaders of the Free French Forces exiled in England after the fall of France to the Germans in 1940. When France was liberated in 1944 he became prime minister. After the Algerian Crisis in 1958 he came to power again and founded the Fifth Republic, of which he was elected President.

During his term of office, which lasted until his retirement in 1969, de Gaulle was always a controversial figure, extremely proud of his country, and opposed to what he saw as too much U.S. and British influence in European affairs. Under his leadership France enjoyed several years of economic growth and prosperity. He once proclaimed that 'France cannot be France without greatness.'

He was also heard to remark on one occasion, 'How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?'

And he was a very proud man. 'I have heard your views.' he said. 'They do not harmonize with mine. My decision is taken unanimously.'

One day in 1968 de Gaulle's confessor came to visit him, in between an audience with the British Ambassador and a dinner with veterans from the French Foreign Legion.  'Mon Général!' thundered the priest, 'You are too proud! As a good Catholic you must publicly demonstrate your devotion to Our Lord. If you don't, you will surely be doomed to spending eternity in purgatory.'

De Gaulle was surprised. 'D'you really think so?' he asked. He scratched his head. 'Let me see. How about if I build a big church in the centre of Paris and dedicate it like this - from the Father of France to the Son of God - how does that sound?

The priest shook his head. 'No,' he said, 'What are you thinking of? That's still far too vain.'

The president frowned and thought for a moment. Then his face brightened. 'What if it says - from President Charles to Baby Jesus - would that be better?'

'No, no,' replied the priest, looking doubtful. 'That won't do at all. Allow me to make a suggestion.'

De Gaulle drew himself up to his full height, and folded his arms. 'Do go on,' he said.

'As I see it,' said the priest nervously, 'And this is also the official line from the Vatican....'

'Yes?' said the president.

'We think the best thing for you to do to show your humility would be to make a widely publicized pilgrimage to Lourdes.'

'Lourdes?' said de Gaulle. 'Of course! Why didn't I think of that?'

He picked up the phone and asked his secretary to bring in his appointment book.

'Now let me see,' he muttered, leafing through the pages. 'Tuesday's out - I've got some African king coming. Wednesday's not much good either - I'm giving a speech at the Military Academy in the morning and then opening an art exhibition with Malraux. I won't be free until about four o'clock.'

He paced around the office for a while, thinking.

'Ok,' he said. 'Lourdes could be possible on Wednesday evening. I think I could make an apparition at around six thirty.'

Own goal

A soccer referee died and ended up in the line for the Pearly Gates with all the other hopefuls.

As he got nearer to the top of the line he noticed the huge, forbidding-looking fence in which the gates were set. The fence was so high that he couldn't see the top of it.

When the ex-referee got to the front of the line, there was St. Peter waiting to interview him. Even though he was still wearing his referee's uniform with his yellow shirt showing the green Specsavers logo and was obviously in need of a nice hot shower, the referee felt quite confident that he was going to get into Heaven, and was eagerly looking forward to any questions St.Peter might put to him.

St.Peter wasn't so sure though. Normally he sent soccer referees to the other place as a matter of course. But he thought he'd give this one a chance.

'Ok,' he said, folding his arms. 'You've got thirty seconds to convince me you're Heaven material.'

So the referee took a deep breath and started his elevator pitch (which wasn't very good so we won't go into details here). 

By the time the thirty seconds were up St.Peter's shoulders were shaking and he was trying hard not to burst out laughing.

'That's by far the best one yet,' he said. 'But the answer's no.'

'Is there anyone we can call to get a second opinion?' asked the referee. He wasn't about to give up that easily.

'Nope,' said St.Peter.

'Oh,' said the referee, still with a big smile on his face.

'By the way,' he asked, craning his neck and pointing upwards. 'Why's the fence so high?'

St. Peter coughed. 'That's to stop the Quidditch players getting in', he said.

'Quidditch?' frowned the referee. 'Never heard of it.'

'Never mind,' said St.Peter. 'You're not coming in either, end of story.'

But the referee was still determined.

'Let's be fair about this. How about we toss a coin?' he suggested brightly.

St. Peter tutted and rolled his eyes. Anything to get rid of this guy.

'Alright,' he agreed, already knowing what the outcome would be. (They know a few tricks in Heaven too).

He held out a coin and the referee flicked it up.

'Heads!' he called.

It came down Tails.

'Ha!' thought St. Peter to himself. 'That's all, folks!' He looked over at the referee, expecting to see a disappointed face.

But the referee was still smiling away. 'Never mind,' he said happily. 'I'll come back when we change ends at half-time.'

Jonah And The Whale

The Bible story of Jonah and the Whale is too important to be regarded merely as a children’s story. There are lots of life lessons in the Book of Jonah for children and adults. Jonah’s story teaches us about obedience, willingness of spirit, gratitude, compassion and God’s patience and mercy.

Jonah was a prophet from Galilee and his story takes place somewhere between 780 B.C and 760 B.C. During this period of history, Assyria was a powerful, evil nation and Israel’s most dreaded enemy. The Lord spoke to Jonah and told him to go to Nineveh, the capital of Assyria, and preach to the Ninevites. (Jonah 1:2) Jonah was supposed to warn the Ninevites to repent or suffer the consequences of their wickedness.

Jonah had other ideas, though. Instead of heading for Nineveh, he took off for Tarshish in Spain. His motives could have been fear or revenge or both. The Assyrians had committed terrible atrocities against the people of Israel: traveling into their midst would have been frightening. Jonah also despised the Assyrians and probably would have liked to see God punish them. Yet, Jonah knew God’s nature. He knew that if he preached repentance to the Ninevites, they would repent and God would spare them. (Jonah 4:2)

Jonah hops on a boat headed for Tarshish, attempting to hide out from God. At night, a huge storm comes up and tosses the boat wildly. The sailors are afraid and all start to pray to their gods, while Jonah sleeps soundly below deck. (Jonah 1:4-6) The captain goes down to Jonah’s cabin and pulls him out of bed. “And they said to one another, "Come, let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this trouble has come upon us." So they cast lots, and the lot fell on Jonah.” (Jonah 1:7 NKJV)

The sailors all question Jonah about what he’s done to bring this storm on them. He confesses that he is running away from the Lord’s will and tells the sailors to throw him overboard to spare their lives. This they do. (Jonah 1:8-15)

As Jonah is sinking into the sea, a big fish (or whale) swallows him. (Jonah 1:17) Here we see God’s great mercy. He could have let Jonah suffer the consequences of his actions and drown. Yet, God intervenes and spares Jonah’s life.

Jonah is in the whale’s belly for three days and nights. He spends that time in prayer, thanking God for saving him from drowning. He realizes the miracle that God has effected to save him and is truly grateful. He doesn’t complain. He is sincere in his prayer and God tells the whale to spit Jonah out on shore. (Jonah 2:1-10)

Then, the Lord tells Jonah again to go to Nineveh and preach repentance. Imagine being Jonah, walking into a city of your enemies and preaching a message that is bound to be unpopular. It must have been terrifying! But this time Jonah does as he’s told and amazingly the people repent. The king orders everyone to fast, put on sackcloth and beg for forgiveness. (Jonah 2:1-10) And Nineveh is spared !

Imagine all those lives spared by one willing voice! Think of all that would have perished if that voice had not been there. Thanks to Jonah the Ninevites lived happily in God's Love ever after.

And the moral of the story is - you just can't keep a good man down.

Eddie Izzard - Noah's Ark

Quite a long video today but oh so well worth it!